Drinking and Dancing
by xcrysto
Summary: River can make the Doctor nervous with her flirting at the best of times, but young, drunk River is positively terrifying.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello sweeties! Look, I have yet more River/Doctor-ness for you :)this one's another two-parter and it's something I started ages and ages ago and was inspired to finish recently. Just because. These four in this situation couldn't be anything but very amusing to write. And it was :D So please enjoy and please let me know if you do!_

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><p><em>I need you. Come quickly x <em>

The Doctor doesn't have to read the note twice before he leaps into action.

"What is it, where we going?" Amy asks the Doctor as he starts darting round the console pulling levers and pressing switches. He throws the psychic paper at her as he runs round her.

She lifts it up to read aloud; "I need you, come quickly. Kiss. And an actual kiss as well," she comments, indicating the lipstick print below the writing. She looks from it up to the Doctor. "Is it River?"

"I expect so. Can't think of anyone else who'd send me a message as vague as that."

"Yeah, or anyone who'd kiss the paper too." She jokes before growing serious. "Doctor, do you think she's in trouble?"

"Who's in trouble?" Rory asks as he enters the console room.

"River," the Doctor replies hurriedly as he flips down a final lever and sends them into flight. "And yes, she must be or she wouldn't't have contacted me."

"River's in trouble? What kind of trouble?" Rory shouts worriedly over the noise of the Tardis as they fly through time and space.

"I don't know," shouts the Doctor as they land and he darts to the door, pausing briefly to look back at them. "But we're about to find out." And taking a deep breath he pushes open the door -

- To be greeted by thumping music, a dark room and flashing lights.

Amy and Rory are right behind him.

"A nightclub?" Amy shouts above the music in astonishment. "We're in a nightclub?"

"Yes, it appears so," he shouts back. "Fifty-second century if I'm not mistaken."

"Are we on earth?"

"Doubt it," he replies, taking in the multi life forms occupying the venue. "Looks like one of the planets in the Klepton galaxy - mainly human-occupied though - now, down to business," he glances back at them. "Let's find your daughter!"

Sticking together, the three plunge themselves into the scene, snaking their way through various dancing life-forms to make their way quickly round the room as they scan the crowds frantically.

"Doctor!" Amy suddenly shouts as she grabs his sleeve. "There - there's River!"

He follows where she is pointing to indeed see a head of curly hair making its way through the crowds on the dance floor.

"River!" He pushes through people to get to her and her face lights up when she catches sight of him.

"Sweetie," she greets him when she's close enough for him to hear her. "You're here!"

He smiles a little and leans in so she can hear him. "Don't I always come when you call?"

"Yes," she smiles back, "you do." She looks at the crowds dancing around them and takes him by the arm to pull him over to the side of the room, where little white booths nestled in alcoves with purple lighting line the wall. Amy and Rory follow.

"River!" Amy greets her happily, stepping forwards to hug her once they've come to a stop in a less crowded location. "How are you are you ok?"

"Ah, I'm glad its you, _mum_," River replies with a smile, referring to having got _this_ Amy and Rory and not the Amy and Rory who still had no idea who she was.

"You look great, are you alright?" Amy asks her.

"Well yeah I'm just -"

"Hello," Rory waves before pointing at himself. "Dad!"

River laughs and hugs him quickly. "Hi."

"Yes, yes _hi_," the Doctor interrupts snapping River's attention back to him. "River what is it," the Doctor asks, immediately down to business. "Is there a problem?"

"Oh yes," she nods, "big problem."

"What is it?"

"Well to be honest, I've got myself into a bit of a sticky situation."

"Why, what's happened?" He demands urgently, worry creeping into his voice as he quickly scans the room for immediate danger.

"Well…"

The Doctor looks at her anxiously.

"…I forgot my purse. And apparently I've run up _quite_ a tab at the bar."

The Doctor goes about five shades of red in a few seconds as he splutters for a reply. "You - forg - what! I - _River!_"

"Yes sweetie?" She asks innocently.

"I can't believe you! I can't believe you sent a message to me all the way across time and space, through the Tardis' shield and made me fly here because you _forgot your purse!"_

She bats her eyelashes at him. "Sorry honey, I didn't know who else to call."

"How do you even know I've got money? I might not have any on me and even if I did what are the chances it would be the correct currency?"

She gives him a look before reaching over and slipping her hand inside his inside jacket pocket, pulling out a small card and tapping him on the nose with it as she turns to saunter off. The doctor scowls after her as Amy pipes up, "Hey, what's she got? Was that money?"

"No," the Doctor replies, grinding his teeth as he watches her approach the cash dispenser in the near corner of the room. "Psychic cash card. Gives you whatever you need in whatever currency you need. Comes in handy actually."

"What! You're kidding right? I want one of those!" Exclaims the redhead as Rory rolls his eyes.

They watch River take a wad of shiny golden notes out of the machine and tuck it down between her cleavage as she walks back over to them.

"Well," she says as she approaches them, "since you're already here what are you having? Drinks are on me!" She winks at Amy and the Doctor frowns as he plucks his psychic card back out of her hands and returns it to his pocket.

"I think you'll find they're on _me_ since that's _my_ money you've just taken."

"Ooh so you _are_ staying for drinks then? Excellent! Come on Amy you can help me get a round, have a seat boys we'll bring them over!" And with that she takes Amy by the arm and drags her off to the bar.

Rory and the Doctor can do nothing but sink into the nearest booth.

"Mels always did like a good night out." Rory comments, appearing lost in thought, clearly still slightly struggling to get his head round the whole situation.

The Doctor sighs and watches the two women as they order drinks. "Oh…no." He mutters gloomily as he watches them both down two shots each before they pick up the four other drinks they ordered and make their way back over. "Pond drunk is not something I wish to see a second time."

Rory sighs. "Well. At least we know what we've got coming with her, I can only imagine what River Song will be like after a few…"

"Well," the Doctor replies, " she's Amy's daughter so for a start it can't be good…and oh look," he continues as he watches her trip up the step to the edge of the room. "She's half drunk already."

"Phew," River exclaims as she drops down next to the Doctor, placing a drink in front of him and taking a sip from the other. "That step wasn't there on the way down."

"How many have you had already River?" The Doctor asks her.

"Oh. I don't know. I suppose I've been here a couple of hours. Freddie bought me the first couple but had to leave then. Think I must have had a few since then because you wouldn't believe the tab I've run up."

"Who's Freddie?" The Doctor demands immediately.

River smiles and taps his nose affectionately. "A friend."

He scowls at her. "What are you even doing here anyway, aren't you meant to be in prison?"

She takes a sip of her drink and pouts at him. "Prison gets ever so dull after a while. Girl's gotta have a bit of fun sometimes."

Still scowling, he comments, "I give you fun! We have plenty of fun!"

She gasps theatrically and slaps his arm. "Ssh sweetie - not in front of my parents!"

His eyes go wide and he splutters, turning a little red. "River! I didn't - not - not _that_ - I didn't mean - I mean, we, we…_adventure_ and, and…"

Now he is even redder and River is laughing. And Rory is glaring at him while Amy looks like she's enjoying his discomfort far too much. _Bloody woman!_

"Oh you are too easy at this age!" River comments.

He jumps to his feet. "Right." He fumes. "We're going. Come on Ponds, back to the Tardis!"

"Oh but sweetie!" River cries. "You just got here!"

"Yes and you got what you brought me here for so now I'm going. Amy, Rory, up."

"Oh sit down Mr grumpy," Amy chides, waving at the Doctor. "You haven't taken us anywhere this cool in…ever. So there is no way we're leaving already."

"But!" He looks at Rory for help. "Rory!"

Rory shrugs. "Sorry Doctor. I don't see the harm in staying for a bit. And it has been a while since we've seen River, it would be nice to catch up."

He splutters. "But - but! Oh…_fine_ then." And sits back down with a huff.

The four converse loudly above the music for a while, the Doctor mainly sitting quiet, perhaps sulking a bit, and subconsciously scanning the busy room for any signs of danger. The situation was all very alien to him, really. Amy and Rory looked more at home than he felt and they were on a different planet and three centuries ahead of their time zone. Finally, slightly bored, the Doctor's attention turns to the three members of his party - or, more specifically, the curly haired one sitting next to him.

"River…" He begins, suddenly noticing the _very_ short, _very_ tight_, very_ low cut silver dress she has on. They stop their conversation to look at him.

"Yes sweetie?"

"What are you _wearing_?"

She grins at him. "Do you like it?" She gets up and twirls but he has to catch her and sit her back down when she nearly topples right over.

"It's a bit…_revealing _isn't it?"

She pouts.

"Yes," Rory pipes up, feeling as if he ought to here. "It is, a bit…revealing." He finishes awkwardly.

"Oh _dad," _Riverrolls her eyes. "Just don't."

"Well I like it." Amy announces loudly.

"You would," mumbles the Doctor under his breath.

"I wanna dance." The redhead proclaims next. "Come on Rory, let's dance." And before Rory has a chance to reply she grabs his hand and drags him out of the booth and down towards the dance floor.

Left alone with him, River sidles, if possible, closer to the Doctor. "Do you like your drink?" She asks, having to speak close to his ear and still shout a little for him to hear her over the music.

He wrinkles his nose. "Not really one for cocktails, me. More of a tea person, do you think they've got any?"

She lets out a sound that can only be described as a giggle. "No, I don't. Just try it, you might surprise yourself."

He grudgingly takes a sip and wrinkles his nose as he swallows then licks his lips. "That's not actually too bad! What's this called?" He asks as he takes another sip.

"A screaming orgasm."

He spits his drink out all over the table. "River!"

"Honestly! That's what it's called I swear." She laughs at him as he takes another sip. "Doctor," she asks after a pause.

"River."

"When are we for you? At first I thought I'd got an earlier you than I meant to with the whole psychic card thing…" she peers at him closely as he smirks slightly at her. "But now I'm not so sure."

"I know who you are," he tells her, "if that's what you mean. And what you've done." He places a hand on her leg - intending it affectionately rather than flirtily, but of course, she takes it as the latter.

"Ooh sweetie," she coos, her lips close to his ear so he can hear her breathy voice, as with a hand over his, she moves it up her thigh under the hem of her dress. "You know I'd do anything for you."

He smiles at her, but gently removes his hand to brush a curl back from her face. "Yes. I do."

She shuffles herself that bit closer to him so he can see _right down_ her dress - something he's positive she very much intends, and he has to swallow a bit as her bare leg presses against his. He looks her in the eyes and notices her sway slightly where she sits, her gaze a little hazy. He realises he's never seen her inebriated.

"And you." He taps her nose with a playful smirk. "You're young."

She raises an eyebrow. "I'm not."

"You are," he replies, laughing a little. "How long have you been in prison?"

She smiles and winks at him before taking a sip of her drink. "Depends on how you look at it. It's been…hmm…two years and three months since I was put in there. But I've only served a year and half of my sentence so far."

"Ah," he laughs a bit again, shaking his head. "So you _are_ young."

She frowns at that. "Oh yeah? And where are you, exactly, then?"

"Three months after we did Calderon Beta, the night you were put in prison. Although I've see you twice since then - New New Jersey and the Polaskon - but I don't think you've done those yet."

She shakes her head in confirmation. "Well, then. _You're_ young too. Compared to the yous I've been seeing recently."

"Hmm."

They sit quietly for a few minutes, each sipping their drinks as they watch the dancing crowds. River chuckles a little at Amy and Rory as Rory, hopelessly out of time with the thumping beat, tries to spin Amy round who trips over his feet and falls into him, laughing her head off.

"My parents are quite mad." River leans in to speak to the Doctor with amusement.

"Must be a Pond thing," he replies, nudging her cheekily. She slaps his leg lightly. "Is it strange?" He suddenly asks her. "Seeing your own parents so young?"

She shrugs. "Not really. Always been how it is for me. That's my life, all upside down." She grins at him but quickly sees he's taken her words to heart when his face falls.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs in her ear, taking her hand and linking their fingers between them. She squeezes it back and shakes her head, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek.

"Don't be."

Another pause ensues as they contentedly take in the atmosphere, the Doctor's thumb now tracing light circles subconsciously over River's hand.

She leans back against the booth with a sigh and a smile.

"I'm glad you're here." She tells him.

He glances back at her to raise an eyebrow. "Only because I'm paying."

She laughs but shakes her head. "No. I'm glad you're here. I'm always glad when you're here." She gets up then, letting go of his hand to motion to their empty glasses. "Another one?"

He rolls his eyes, about to refuse but something, maybe the drink he already has down him or maybe her shining eyes and smiling lips or how beautiful she looks in this light make him sigh and nod. What harm can it do? "Go on then."

She grins and turns to fetch them. He watches her walk rather unsteadily indeed towards the bar and realises that actually, he probably shouldn't be letting her drink any more.

"I don't think you should let her drink anymore Doctor," Rory tells him loudly in his ear as him and his wife plonk themselves back down in the booth. They are breathless from dancing, and Amy is giggling.

"She's your daughter," the Doctor argues, "you stop her!"

"No way," Amy waves the idea off. "I wanna be a cool mum, not a boring one! Besides - River is older than us Doctor, we can't exactly tell her what to do, can we?"

"Actually Amy," the Doctor agrees, "even if she wasn't I don't think anyone can tell River what to do anyway. Believe me, I've tried."

Amy laughs as her daughter comes back with the drinks.

"Come on sweetie," she says in the Doctor's ear once she's sat down. "Get that down you, we're going dancing."

He turns to look at her. "I am _not_ dancing."

"Of course you are," she smiles at him with a wink. "You love dancing."

"I like dancing _sometimes_," he corrects her firmly. "When situations call for it. Like at weddings. Not _here._"

"Well," she tells him, sipping her drink through the straw. "We're in a nightclub honey, the situation definitely calls for it - and anyway, you never danced at _our_ wedding so you can make up for it now."

He opens his mouth to argue but realises she has a point.

"Drink up," she grins at him.

With a heavy, resigned sigh, the Doctor raises the glass to his lips. If he was going to dance with River Song in a nightclub he was definitely going to need this drink.

No sooner was his glass empty than River's hand was grabbing his, yanking him to his feet.

"Have fun!" Amy shouts after them, beaming widely. River winks at her mother as she tows the Doctor to the dance floor.

He follows her as she slips through the dancing bodies, finally coming to a stop where there's space enough for them to squeeze in in the middle of the floor.

The Doctor glances around, taking in the other moving people around him in the dark and how tightly they are squeezed into the crowds.

"You dare do any of those spazzy moves of yours and you're dancing on your own sweetie," River's voice warns him in his ear. "Come here, put your arms round me," she tells him as her hands slip up to his shoulders and she starts to move her body in time to the music. It's some fairly fast-paced, monotonic type song with filthy lyrics playing that he usually would hate, but the way the deep bass of the beat is pulsing, and with everyone dancing around him, he feels himself moving in time to it without realising.

His hands are on her waist where she'd placed them and he can feel the heat of her skin through the thin silky fabric of her dress. It really is a very nice dress.

The song changes, although the beat hasn't paused only altered accordingly, and she sways her hips from side to side, her whole body moving against his as she presses herself tighter to him. He feels her breath by his ear and her lips briefly on his neck and he pulls her closer in response, breathing in the intoxicating scent of her.

Suddenly, she turns in his arms so her back is pressed to his chest and her…_behind_ is pressed very closely to…- _not_ his chest - as she continues to move her hips whole body sensuously to the music so she is grinding against him in the most painfully delicious way that makes him groan into her ear. She places her hands over his and slides them over her body as she moves, throwing her head back against his shoulder. She presses one to her ribcage, letting his thumb brush over the swell of her breast and the other she moves down over her hip and leg, drawing the hem of her dress up slightly as she slides it back up her thigh.

"River!" He says, aghast, in her ear, moving his hands quickly back to her waist. "There's people everywhere!"

She tilts her head to the side to smirk at him and speak back to him. "Look around. Nobody cares what we're doing my love."

And he knows she is probably right, but still - "Your parents are here!"

She laughs, "They can't see us sweetie!"

Looking around him, he realises she's right, they are blocked by the many dancing bodies around them - and in the dark flashing lighting and slightly smoky atmosphere it's hard to make out people anyway.

Still, her parents are _here_, and although he's sure they've gathered by now that his relationship with their daughter is more than platonic since, well, they're married and all, he feels very edgy with the idea of her doing _this_ to him, this - _this -_ which is most definitely not just dancing - while they're in the room.

But then…the beat of the music is pulsing through the floor, through his whole body, through hers…and her body is pressed to him like that as she _moves _like that and his head is all hazy and everything else seems to be disappearing except River. His head is starting to spin lightly and pleasantly, the effects, he vaguely registers, of the potency of the alcohol he'd drunk combined with the fact that he so seldom does drink. His hands slip to her hips, resting there as he realises that he too, is moving in time to the music and her body's rhythm.

He breathes in the scent of her hair and he also realises with a bit of surprise, as he splays his fingers across her flat stomach to pulls her tighter still against his own body, that in this moment, he's more than perfectly content dancing with River Song in this club.

Drinking and dancing, in a nightclub. Since when did he become so young and…_human, _he wonders?

And then he decides that in that moment, he never wants it to stop.

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><p><em>So, I've already written the second half to this too, it was really too long to post in one go but I will post it up very soon if this has been enjoyed…so, you know what to do if you liked it…;) Hehe, seriously, I love reading what people think of my stories, especially as you lovely people are always all so kind to me, so please tell me what you think! xx<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_So, I lied, this isn't a two-parter. I was reading through and editing it, and I kept adding more scenes, and then changing things and adding yet more things and…well it grew. There's definitely one more chapter after this, possibly another two…I'm clearly having way too much fun with this situation : )_

_Thanks a million for the lovely kind reviews so far, I'm so happy people enjoyed the first chapter!_

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><p><em>Where the hell has she gone! <em>The Doctor thinks frantically, as he whirls round, searching the dark room for that familiar curly head. She'd told him she was going to the loo about five minutes ago, and he'd since spotted her emerging from the ladies, but then somebody had bumped into him, nearly knocking him flat and in the time it took him to turn round to accept the clearly-very-drunk being's enthusiastic apology before turning back, she'd vanished.

He'd been round the room twice already, even popped into the Tardis to look - but no River. When he tried to get out and couldn't, only to find a couple rather engrossed in each other leaning against his doors, he decided that maybe he should move the blue box anyway, it was rather in the way and the poor dear probably wasn't enjoying being bumped into constantly either. So he'd popped her outside, just down the street, and made his way back in, waving his psychic paper at the security-bot on the door.

Muttering under his breath about everyone always with the wandering off, he stalks over to where he can see Rory in one of the booths.

"Rory!" He shouts in his ear, making him jump. "I've lost River!"

"What?"

"I've lost River!" He repeats.

Rory shakes his head, pointing to the bar. "She's with Amy, they're getting more drinks."

He looks to where Rory's pointing, sure enough to see the two women standing at the crowded bar, laughing and chatting. Relieved, he plonks himself down next to the other man. "More drinks? Rory - you told me not to let her drink anymore an hour ago - why did you let them go to the bar? We'll have to carry them back to the Tardis at this rate!"

Grinning, Rory nods at the Doctor, clearly not having taken in anything he said as he takes another gulp of his pint.

"Oh…forget it." The Doctor slumps back, resigned to a night of drunken fools.

"Darling!" River says loudly the next minute, as she leans over from behind him. He gets a strong whiff of her perfume and copious amounts of alcohol as she does. "These are yours," she tells him as she places _four_ - not one, or two, not even three - but _four_ bloody shot glasses down in front of him. Amy deposits the same in front of Rory and the two women head back to the bar, he assumes, to collect their own.

When they stumble their way back and collapse next to them, they too have four shots lined up in front of them. The two raise a glass each.

"Come on Rory," Amy elbows him.

Rory groans. "You know I hate doing shots, you always make me."

"Oh shut up - wash it down with that!" She motions to his beer. "Ready?"

Rory sighs and lifts a glass, and the Doctor very pointedly ignores the raised eyebrow River gives him. She rolls her eyes and they all clink glasses and knock back a shot.

"Oh my God!" Gasps Amy, taking a long drink from the glass in front of her. "What is this?"

"Voquila," River replies, a smirk on her lips as she swallows her own with only a slight grimace.

"What!" The Doctor injects, "that stuff is lethal River - that's like a double shot!"

"I know," she laughs. "Drink up sweetie!" And her and Amy clink glasses again before downing another one.

"It burns!" Cries Amy, wincing as she wipes her mouth.

"Just do them all quick, "River laughs in reply, handing her mother another one. A few more seconds and both women have finished all four shots, with Rory reluctantly following suit, gulping mouthfuls of beer in between.

"That's foul," he complains, his face screwed up.

"I know but they do the trick," grins River. "Come on sweetie, your turn," she elbows the Doctor.

He fixes her with a look. "I'm not drinking these."

"Fine, I'll have yours then," she picks up one of his glasses and downs it before he can stop her.

"River! No!"

She reaches for another one so just to stop her from drinking any more, the Doctor quickly throws back the three remaining. He chokes, gags, coughs, and waves his arms round like a lunatic as he frantically searches for something to wash it down with as tears pour from his eyes. Finally grabbing Rory's beer, he gulps down a few mouthfuls, still spluttering, as River and Amy shriek with laughter at him.

"Shut up!" He wheezes, his throat still burning. "How the hell can you _drink_ that!"

River just laughs in reply.

He frowns at her. "I'll be back in a minute," he rasps out as he gets to his feet, with the intention of going to the toilets and washing his mouth out for about ten minutes until the burning has stopped. He has to pause a moment when he stands as the room briefly spins rather alarmingly and when he stalks off, he is cursing that curly haired vixen and this whole bloody situation.

River grins after him, and then turns to her parents. "Nature's calling, I'll be back too," she announces, standing and leaving the booth.

She meanders her way skilfully through the crowds, making sure to slip out of sight of her parents before she reaches the door to the toilets. She glances around quickly, making sure nobody is looking before she slips inside. The bathroom is empty and she grins happily, pausing briefly to check herself in the mirror, fluffing her hair up and re-applying her lipstick before moving quietly over to the only shut door.

"River!" Exclaims the Doctor in surprise as he emerges from the cubicle to come face to face with her. "What are you doing in here - this is the mens!"

She grins at him. "I know." And seizing him by the shirt, she yanks him after her back into the cubicle, bolting the door behind them and shoving him up against it.

"Riv -" is all he manages before her mouth swallows his words, and he has to admit, he only struggles for approximately two-point-five seconds before giving in and kissing her back.

Outside, a while has passed and Amy has begun to notice the absence of the other two members of their party.

"Rory, did you see where they went? I thought they were just going to the loo?"

"Dunno. Do you think they still have DJs?"

"What?" Amy frowns at him.

"Maybe they have robot DJs now. Or maybe the music is all on automatic and doesn't need anything controlling it…where are the speakers?"

"Rory," Amy snaps her fingers in front of her husbands face. "Focus. Where have River and the Doctor gone? I haven't seen them in ages. Do you think they're dancing?"

Another shrug. "Maybe."

"It's important, Rory! You know the Doctor and his knack for finding trouble - and I can't say River's much better!"

"I'm sure they're on the dance floor."

"Hmm."

He sighs as Amy looks at him. "I'll go and look," he says, resigned, and gets up to do so.

He is meandering his way through the crowds and Amy is left sipping her drink when she spots them in the far corner of the room. Well she spots River, emerging from the toilets…wasn't that the mens? Her eyes widen. Nope, there's the Doctor too and yes - definitely the mens. She watches her daughter run her hands over her dress, tugging it down as she leans up to speak something into the Doctor's ear and he nods and they make their way across the room, hand in hand. Amy rolls her eyes. She wasn't really surprised with River…but the _Doctor_... She shakes her head as she goes back to sipping her drink. This was the last time he was going near alcohol when her daughter was around.

"I can't find them," Rory says into her ear as he sits back down, a look of concern on his face. "Maybe they _have _got into some sort of trouble…"

She laughs. "Oh no, they're definitely fine." She points them out. "They're at the bar now."

"Oh."

Rory is still grumbling about being worried and having started to envision all the terrible things that could have happened to his daughter in a nightclub, disregarding Amy's point of the Doctor being with her and adding that that only added about a thousand extra things, when the two sit back down with them.

River places another pint in front of him, "there you go daddy," she says happily as she kisses his cheek, and he is considerably soothed, although he still has to complain about how worried he'd been and where the hell had they been for the last half hour?

"We - were just…just went outside for some air…it got hot!" The Doctor claims edgily, and River snorts into her drink next to him. Under the table, he pinches her leg and shoots her a cross look.

She winks and turns away. "So, what do you think of a fifty-first century night out?" She addresses Amy.

The redhead turns to look at the Doctor. "Well, I think the Doctor's time-telling skills suck, for a start. And really…not all that much different from our time actually."

"Hey!" The Doctor says, "It was only a rough guess and I wasn't that far out!"

"He thought we were in the fifty-second century." Amy explains.

"Ooh, sweetie," River shakes her head in pity as she teases him. "Not a very good Time Lord really are you?"

"Oh come on - a hundred years out and all I had to go by was the inside of a nightclub - not the sort of place I'm generally familiar with if I'm honest."

They laugh at him, and the conversation continues easily for a while between the four. After a while, Amy and River go off to dance when the men don't want to join them, and shortly after, the Doctor catches sight of them at the bar ordering yet more drinks. He decides that the phrase 'like mother like daughter' is very much true, and that the two females together in a nightclub are a _bad _combination.

River practically _falls _back into the booth, sloshing the drink she's holding over his face and jacket. "Thanks dear," he tells her dryly, as he pushes her off and wipes his face, not particularly amused.

"Sorry sweetie!" She laughs drunkenly. "Let me clean it up for you," and she leans over and quick as a flash - _licks_ his face.

"River!" He pushes her away, and while she's distracted trying to wipe the rest off with her hand, he discreetly removes the drink from in front of her, pushing it far over to the edge of the table out of her reach.

She is soon chatting away and thankfully forgets very easily that she ever had one in front of her.

"I'll be right back!" Rory leans over the table to shout before getting to his feet. Unfortunately for him, he misjudges the amount of seat he needs to manoeuvre himself round to get out of the booth, and stumbles, trips, and rolls fully over the seat to land flat on the floor at the end. His wife and daughter scream with laughter, pointing at him as tears roll down their cheeks.

"Rory!" The Doctor exclaims in surprise, failing to see what's so funny. "Are you alright!"

Taking out her phone, Amy snaps a picture of her husband sprawled on the floor, both woman bursting into laughter again at the image on the screen.

"Thanks!" He shouts up at her as he gets to her feet. "Thanks very much, nice of you to help!"

"Oh my God," cries River through laughter as she clutches her side.

"He went flying!" Yells Amy in delight.

"I know!"

"Oh that's it! I've had enough of this!" The Doctor proclaims crossly. "You're all behaving like adolescent fools!"

"Oh like you can talk mister!" Amy accuses him. "I don't know what went on in those toilets earlier but I'm pretty sure it was more than just a peck on the cheek!"

That shuts him up.

Next to him, River laughs loudly, looking all too pleased with herself and he is only glad Rory is still trying to get to his feet and the music is too loud for him to hear them from his place on the floor.

"And you can wipe that smug look off your face," Amy shouts over to her daughter, "you're lucky your father didn't see you come out of those loos with your -" she motions to her general attire, "dress all…skew-wiffle!"

River laughs at her mother. "Skew-wiffle?"

"Oh shut up. It's hard to think of words." She frowns into her drink. "Where's Rory?" She asks the next minute. "Is he still on the floor?"

"Yes!" River confirms with a laugh, slapping the Doctor's arm as she points to her father.

"Stop it River," says the Doctor, taking pity on Rory and stretching down a hand to help him up. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," replies Rory, dazedly as he sits back down. "Quite comfortable down there."

River stands up, and it's only the Doctor's quick reflexes, remarkably unaffected by the alcohol he'd drunk, that stop her from copying her father and tumbling right down to the floor. "Woah," she breathes, as she drags herself back onto the seat with the Doctor's arms round her to help. "Thank you sweetie, that was close!" She laughs it off and he realises how much she's swaying even sitting down.

"M'just gonna get us some more cocktails." She announces, and makes to stand again but the Doctor still has hold of her arm and roughly and yanks her back down.

"No you don't - we've all had quite enough."

"Gotta agree with the Doctor here, River," Rory adds, his voice slightly slurred. "Don't think I can manage any more."

"Oh," she waves them off with a roll of her eyes. "Amy will have another round with me, won't you?" She goes to move again but the Doctor is quicker.

"No, no more!" He says sternly as he tugs her back.

"Let gooo Doctor," she whines, trying to wriggle her arm free. "I want another drink!"

"_No," _he says gruffly, "come here," and grabs her by the waist with one hand so he can very unceremoniously shove the other one down the front of her dress.

"Doctor!" She squeals loudly.

Still scowling, he tugs the wad golden notes out and rises to his feet.

She gasps. "Hey!"

"I'm going to pay off the tab, and then we're going home!"

"I can't believe you just did that!"

"Neither can I," agrees Rory, looking a bit cross. The Doctor is cross enough himself that he doesn't care.

"Stay there! Rory - watch her."

Rory salutes him. "Watch her. Yessir. Got it." All three burst into laughter and the Doctor realises that even Rory the Roman who he'd thought he could rely on to be sensible is going to be no help to anyone.

When he gets back to the table after paying off the very large tab (how the hell could anyone spend all that on _alcohol?) _the Doctor finds River lying flat across the seat, eyes closed, her head in Amy's lap and legs hanging off the edge.

"Oh for Gods sake," he grumbles, leaning down to speak loudly to Amy. "Has she passed out?"

"'Course I haven't _passed out_ sweetie," River replies, opening her eyes. "Just felt like lying down." She grins up at him.

"Right."

She holds out a hand to him. "Help me up."

He huffs loudly as he takes it. "Come on, we're going home." He leans down to take hold of River by the other arm to pull her upright.

"Oh but Doctor," Amy whines. "We were just gonna go dance again, weren't we Rory…just one more dance? Pleeease?"

He sighs. "Well fine, do what you want but I'm taking her back now." He tells them as she fiddles with his bow-tie. "Stop it River - I'll see you at the Tardis - just turn right out of here and it's straight down the street - _River! _Don't do that!" He swats her hands away to do his bow-tie and the three buttons of his shirt she'd managed to yank open back up. She giggles against his neck as she runs her hands up his back under his jacket and he swallows a little. River can make him nervous with her flirting at the best of times, but young, drunk River is positively terrifying.

"We going to the Tardis sweetie?" She asks in his ear, in that low, ridiculously sexy tone her voice takes on when she wants it to.

"Yes, I'm taking you back now."

"Well good," she coos, running a hand down over his chest. "Cause I can't wait to get out of this dress."

"_River," _he says sternly, because he doesn't know what else he can say, and he is very glad of the loud music that means her parents can't hear her, and the dark lights that cover his blush.

"It's _faaar _too tight," she continues in his ear, as he pulls her to her feet, her arms still wrapped round him and _all over him_ -

"We're going now!" He tells her firmly, trying to pluck her from him so he get her moving.

"…and I'm not wearing _anything _underneath it."

"See you back at the Tardis!" He shouts at Amy and Rory, his voice rather high pitched as he yanks River's hand away from his bow-tie again and firmly taking her arm, spins them to start walking her from the room.

"Ooh, in a hurry are we honey?" She giggles drunkenly to him.

"In a hurry to get you away from your _parents_ River, before you could undress me in public - will you pull yourself together!" He scolds her, shrugging his jacket back on and yanking her hands from it. "_Walk, _River, the door's over there."

She trips over up the steps but he luckily has hold of her enough to keep her upright and he pushes her out of the door as she laughs loudly. "Oh, this is so embarrassing," he complains as they get disapproving looks from the security on the door.

Now all he's left with is the task of getting drunk River back to the Tardis. It's only down the road, and normally, with nothing life-threatening in between as there doesn't appear to be, this would have been a very easy feat indeed. But, he thinks as she hangs heavily off his arm, singing along to the song they can still hear blaring out from inside and he trips up the curb, this may be quite a challenge in itself.

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><p><em>I hope you enjoyed, like I said this was very fun to write :D I'm a bit worried River may come across a bit out of character, but you have to remember she's young here, and we haven't seen all that much of the young version of her in the series at all. And she <em>was _trained to be a psychopath, I'm sure there'd still be a bit of a wild side to her when she was this young lol. _

_Please tell me what you think! Much love to you all! xx_


	3. Chapter 3

_So I was going to post this up last night but I may or may not have ended up in a state similar to the one River's in in this story lol…hope everyone had a lovely new years eve, what I can remember of mine was great haha :D_

_Thanks so much for the lovely reviews, and also all the faves and alerts it's wonderful to know people enjoy my writing :)_

* * *

><p>"Doctor?"<p>

"Yes River?"

"You cross with me?" She asks childishly. It's only now they're outside out of the pounding music and noise that he realises just how slurred her voice is and mentally kicks himself for not taking her back sooner. Granted, he's not entirely sober himself, he can feel the way his head is spinning more clearly now they're out in the chilled night air, but he knows he is nowhere _near_ as drunk as River is - he's not sure she can even see straight.

He sighs, patting the hand on his arm. "No, River, I'm not cross with you. You're just young."

"M'_not."_

"You _are."_

"I'm ooold, do you even know how old I am? I'm older than mum."

"I know."

"Not as old as you though. You're _ancient._ Grandad."

"Thanks," he replies dryly as she laughs loudly. "Come on, keep walking."

"I aaaam old man."

The continue making their way down the street, slightly slower and definitely in less of a straight line than they usually would have walked. The Doctor pauses when the weight on his arm disappears and turns to see River holding onto a light post and swinging round it. He is about to point out that in her inebriated state that's probably not a wise thing to do, when she lets go and goes flying with a shriek - luckily he'd been ready for such a thing to happen and manages to catch her and keep them both standing.

"Doctor," she laughs, dragging herself upright by his jacket. "I feel dizzy!"

"I'm not surprised."

She stops laughing and lets go of him but sways alarmingly so he quickly grabs onto her with both arms before she can topple over.

"_Really_ dizzy," she tells him, more seriously.

"Yes, spinning in circles tends to have that effect. Come on, back to the Tardis with you Miss Song."

"_Mrs _Song," she corrects, elbowing him lightly as they begin walking arm in arm again.

He smiles. "Yes. Although my Last name's not Song so that doesn't work."

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not."

"Well what is it then?"

He looks at her to see her regarding him with raised eyebrows. He smirks and taps his nose.

"Ow!" He cries when she slaps him on the shoulder. "What was that for?"

"I'm your _wife_, I should know your name."

He leans in close so his voice is low in her ear. "Spoilers, River."

She blinks for a minute, her brain taking longer to make sense of his words than it usually would. "…So…I will one day?"

He smiles sadly, thinking of the Library. "One day."

That seems to satisfy her and she nods.

"So," he asks her after a minute, to get his mind off the subject more than anything. "Do you make a habit of this?"

He question sounds casual, but if she had been in a more focused state she would have detected the unease in the Doctor's voice.

"Of what?"

He waves his free arm about. "_This. _Going out…_partying_," he spits the word out, "drinking yourself silly…"

She snorts, and still has enough sense left to tease him, "only at weekends."

"_River," _He begins, but she interrupts him with a laugh.

"'M only joking. I mean…I probably could give you a list of the best bars in the universe, but, well…_you_ were here tonight Doctor." She leans her head on his arm as they walk/shuffle down the street. "M'so happy when you're around. So…hmm. Yeah. Probably got a bit more merrier than I usually would have," she mumbles, her voice very slurred.

"Merrier?" He says with some amusement. "River. You're _drunk."_

She turns her head to smirk at him. "So are you."

"I don't _get_ drunk." Perfectly on cue, he trips over, falling right down onto the floor. River laughs so hard she ends up kneeling next to him, holding her side as tears spill down her cheeks. "Now that, that - that! That was the pavement. Horrible, uneven, fifty-first century rubbish construction work. Look at it its all…rubbish!" He motions to the perfectly smooth, marble-like road they had been walking down.

"You're such a…an _idiot_ sometimes!" She gasps between laughter, leaning over him to poke him in the chest.

"I'll have you know I'm one of the most intelligent beings in the universe, and I don't appreciate -"

She cuts him off with her lips on his and he freezes in surprise for a moment before his hands come up to settle on her sides. Clearly focused on nothing but him, River crawls over his body, sliding a leg the other side of his hips so she's straddling him as their mouths move together and she moans deeply into the kiss.

"River," the Doctor manages to push her back a bit. "River. Drunk kissing. Middle of the road. Not good…River…" She is ignoring him, giggling slightly as she tries to capture his lips with hers again.

With the alcohol in his system clouding his mind he easily gives in and lets her kiss him, his fingers dig into her sides slightly as he holds her a bit tighter to him and looses himself in the feel of her body against his.

"Oh good Lord." Comes a familiar Scottish voice. "Couldn't you two at least wait til you got back to the Tardis? We are in a public place you know."

River looks up at Amy standing next to them, hanging onto Rory's arm and then down at the Doctor and laughs. "Oh nooo mummy and daddy have caught us sweetie - we're in trouble!" She mocks playfully.

"Well - I - _River_ -" He stammers, and wonders how long they'd been kissing - and since when _he _could loose track of time so easily!

"The Doctor's going to be in trouble if he doesn't remove his hands from the… - _inappropriate_ places they're touching my daughter in the middle of the street." Rory cuts in, a finger raised to emphasize his point.

Quick as a flash, the Doctor's hands fly from River where they'd been settled, one on her bum and the other on her thigh under the hem of her short dress - when had they got there?

"Right, yes, sorry!" He fumbles awkwardly, attempting to dislodge River from him so he can sit up. "Um, this…I…"

"Save it Doctor," Amy rolls her eyes, "just try to wait until you're in an us-free and preferably non-public area before groping our daughter yeah?"

"Well we were, we were just, that is, I was just…taking her back to the Tardis," he stammers out, awkwardly getting to his feet. "Yes, Tardis. Come on you, up you get!"

"Come back here," she whines, reaching her arms out for him from where she's sprawled on the floor. "I was kissing you!"

"River!" He shoots an embarrassed look at her parents. "We need to get back to the Tardis," he tells her firmly as he grabs her by the hands.

"Oooh!" She grins and winks at him as she sits up. "Yes, we do." She giggles loudly as he tries to get her to her feet, which makes the task very difficult. Her shoes don't help either, he realises when she stumbles halfway up and sits back down again. Bending down, he helps her pull them off and takes them from her, wondering how the hell anyone could walk in the blasted things sober let alone intoxicated, and decides she's done a better job than he thought of staying upright so far.

"Come on," he finally sighs when he has her up, taking hold of her arm again to continue walking with her, her parents, also hanging on to each other, now following behind. He doesn't think he's ever been so relieved to see the familiar blue box loom up ahead in sight, not least because he thinks his own legs may possibly have turned into jelly and with River swinging off his arm very unsteadily it's a mission in itself to keep from tumbling over again.

They reach the doors, and he shoves the key in when, "I want to go dancing!" River suddenly exclaims, spinning on her heel.

"We've been dancing River," The Doctor tells her, spinning her back round by the arm.

"I feel like dancing!" She throws her hands in the air and spins round.

"River!" He tries to catch her, "River - stop that!" Finally grabbing hold of her by both her arms he pushes her in front of him, nudging the blue police box doors open with his foot telling her sternly, "Come on, Tardis, now!"

"Don't kick her Doctor, that's not nice!" River scolds him as he wrestles her through the doors.

"I didn't _kick_ her, my foot was the only available thing to open the doors with - come on, there's stairs River."

"I knooow," she says, clutching hold of him as she trips up the steps. "Apples and paiiirs," laughing again, she falls to her knees up the top step and lets go of the Doctor to let herself collapse onto the floor. "Naughty Doctor kicked you didn't he girl?" she mumbles as she strokes a hand over the floor of the console. "She doesn't like you Doctor. She likes me. I love her…I love being here…feels like home…"

"Yes dear. Come on, up you get."

"Doctooor," she peers up at him as she rolls onto her back, covering one eye with her hand. "I can't _see_ you very well."

"River. You need to get up…"

She shrieks with laughter.

The Tardis doors swing shut behind the Ponds and, "okay," Amy announces loudly as she pulls herself up the few steps to the console, hanging onto the railing a little more than usual. "I'll admit I'm…more than slightly tipsy," she gives a little burp. "But she," she points an accusing finger at River who is still slumped on the floor laughing as the Doctor tries in vain to drag her to her feet. "Is _drunk."_

"Yes," the Doctor agrees. "Yes she is very drunk and it's getting to be not funny anymore in fact I'm starting to be genuinely concerned about the amount of this potent alien alcohol she's actually consumed - River!" He shouts her name in her ear. "Are you ok are you feeling sick because throwing up might actually be a good idea right now!"

"What?" Rory asks in alarm, looking from Amy to River in panic. "Ailien alcohol! Is it dangerous!"

"Yes of course alien alcohol nobody drinks that rubbish earth stuff anymore and no, not in moderation but if too much is consumed too quickly it can poison the system and shut your organs down - River! Can you hear me?" He shouts in her ear again.

"Stop fussing," she slurs, batting him away with her hand. "I'm fiiiine! M'used to it." She tries to scramble to her feet and the Doctor quickly grabs one arm while Rory gets the other and together they manage to haul her up.

"Doctor," Rory asks sternly, looking a bit angry, "if you knew it was dangerous - _why did you let us drink it?"_

"It's _not_ dangerous - only in excess - extreme excess - I could see how much you were all drinking and you'd have to drink, oh I don't know - seven and a half times what you did for it to have an effect - the average human would pass out long before they were able to drink enough to be any sort of danger to themselves but River…well I don't know how much she had before we arrived but obviously a hell of a lot more than I thought and she…well she's part Time Lord…what would knock a human out wouldn't effect us the same way and she'd most likely be able to stay conscious to carry on drinking a _lot_ more than she should…"

"So what do we do?" Rory asked, starting to panic. Even Amy seems to have sobered up enough to look very worried.

"Stop iiiit m'okay!" The Time Lady manages to get out slowly. "Tired. Jusss take me to bed…ooh!" She falters and grins, turning to the Doctor to poke his nose. "V'said before…"

The Doctor goes bright red and pretends to ignore her cheeky statement while Rory clears his throat uncomfortably.

"Here," The Doctor ignores her statement, motioning to the chair by the console. "Sit her down there," he tells Rory as they help her over to it, letting her slump down onto the chair.

The Doctor takes out his screwdriver and after fiddling with some settings, he hurriedly scans her then presses buttons on his scanner to bring up a reading. He breathes a sigh of relief.

"Is she alright?" The worry seems to have sobered Amy up enough to be genuinely concerned.

"Yes, she's fine. She definitely hasn't had enough for it to be dangerous. She's just…"

They all turn at the sound of a thump accompanied by River's loud laugh to see her collapsed on her side, off the chair, stroking a hand over the Tardis floor. "This floor…is _see through…" _She laughs again. "That's _funny!"_

The Doctor tries to hold back a laugh of his own. "…Very, _very_ drunk."

As the relief sinks in, Amy starts laughing too as she watches her loll on the floor.

"That's your daughter," The Doctor tells her in an accusatory way as the corners of his mouth quirk up with amusement.

"Yeah…can't say I haven't been there one too many times though."

"Well you know what they say," mutters Rory.

Amy ignores him. "Maybe we should move her…"

"Probably a good idea." The Doctor kneels down beside her and takes her arms to try and sit her up.

"Doctor." River says.

"Yes dear?"

"Do you know you can see through your floor?" She asks him seriously.

"I am aware of that fact. Come on. Do you think you can stand up?"

She peers up at him. "Am I not?"

"No. You're not."

She screws up her face in confusion. "Oh."

"Right, come on," he says with a heavy sigh. They heave her to her feet which, unfortunately, causes Rory to loose his own balance and topple over.

"I'm alright, I'm fine," Rory says, holding a hand up as he pulls himself up.

"Bit like the blind leading the blind, this, isn't it?" Teases Amy.

Luckily the Doctor has managed to keep himself and River upright, although she's very unhelpfully leaning _all_ her weight on him. "Well nice to see _you_ helping!" He accuses.

"Yeah…don't think I'd be much help. Feeling quite dizzy actually…I'm just gonna sit down." Amy plonks herself on the chair River had just occupied as the Doctor rolls his eyes.

"Right, Roman, come on up, take the other side of her."

Rory does as he's told, hooking the arm the Doctor doesn't have hold of round his neck and the two men start walking her from the room.

"I'm fine, really," she claims in a slurred voice as they go. "You're making a _fuss."_

"We're not making a fuss, we're just looking after you River." Rory tells her. "Suppose that's my job really…" He trails off in thought.

River turns to grin at him. "Yes. You're a good dad, Rory."

"Thanks…even if that is still really weird…"

She leans her head on her fathers shoulder as she slows down.

"River, come on, keep walking," the Doctor reminds her, nudging her gently. "We're nearly there."

"Oh." Lifting her head, she turns it to look at the Doctor. "Hello sweetie," she says in surprise.

The Doctor rolls his eyes. "Hello, River."

With some difficulty, the two manage to get the young Time Lady into a bedroom where they let her collapse onto the bed. Rory steps back as the Doctor swings her legs up onto the bed and trucks her under the covers.

"Alright?" He asks her.

"Mmm hmm," she mumbles drowsily.

He turns to Rory. "I'll stay with her, you and Amy better go and get some sleep. Don't worry, I'll watch her."

"Right," Rory nods. "Yes. Um…which way is my room again?"

Rolling his eyes he explains, "Right out of the door, left at the end and third door on the right. But you'll want to go back to the console room for Amy first."

"Oh. Yes, right."

"Do you remember which way _that_ is?" He asks slowly.

"Oh. Yeah. Think so."

"Doctooor," River moans sleepily from the bed, holding her hand out towards him. "Stay."

"I am staying, don't worry."

"C'mere," she whines. "Want you."

"I'm here River," he assures her, ignorant of her meaning as he takes her hand. "I'm definitely not going anywhere tonight - you just go to sleep!"

She giggles drunkenly and attempts to tug him down to her. "I didn't exactly have sleep in mind sweetie…"

"Parent still in the room!" Rory exclaims loudly.

"Yes, parent! Parent in the room River!" The Doctor repeats uncomfortably as he dodges a kiss and tries desperately to scramble out of her grasp and off of her. "And this is not happening while you're -" he yanks his bowtie from her hands - "_drunk_ out of your mind!"

"Thanks, I'd rather not be aware it was happening anyway actually." Rory comments.

"Mmm, sweetie," River mumbles, getting a bare leg out from under the covers to wrap round his waist, keeping him perfectly trapped against her.

"River! Let me go!"

She giggles and with hands tight in his hair attempts to drag his mouth down to hers.

"Little help here Roman!" The Doctor pleads, his voice slightly high-pitched.

"Um. Yeah, I'm just gonna go…" Rory starts to back out the room awkwardly.

"Rory! Don't you dare leave me here! Rory! _Help!"_

Rory shuts the door on the Doctor's cries and turns to walk away from the room, running a hand over his slightly pale face.

That was a scene he definitely had _not_ needed to witness.

* * *

><p><em>So that last little scene was actually where the idea for this story came from, as it was originally going to a chapter for 'Awkward", but yeah once I started writing the beginning it kind of grew lol. <em>

_PLEASE tell me what you thought! :D_

_Now this is the question; do I finish here or do I write another 'morning after' chapter?_

_xx_


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